While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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