i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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