I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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