It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
