I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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