I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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