He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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