just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
