Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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