So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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