she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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