haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
