he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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