The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
