Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
