I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
