saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize