it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
