She said her name was "party"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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