She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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