His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
