Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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