In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You're like the curious george of whores
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize