Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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