I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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