Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
