Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
