I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
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i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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