I'm going to jail i love you
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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