it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
