Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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