So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
