I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
