She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
