Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
