what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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