Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's get the cat blown out
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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