Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
