My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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