so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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