I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
