Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize