Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
