why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
