I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
