Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
