saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My hand turned me down
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
