Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize