can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
