Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
