Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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