Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We are two peas in an std pod
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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