I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
