no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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