she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm like, not good at living.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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