I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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