these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
A bitchslap is in order.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
