Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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